CONFESSIONS of a lover in LOVE and DESPAIR

I wish i could just disappear through the night.

 have you ever felt driven away by something? swept off...? into freedom...?  like the wind that sweeps off scattered leaves on the ground...freeing them of stillness, yet binding them in its own swirling motion...

ah. what an agitating bound freedom.

 the music plays its unchanging harmony...only to prolong the feeling it had induced.

 lofty peaks raise a brow...

 the pull of the magnet...strong and wicked...or is it the meak iron?...fighting hard?

 words...mystical...conspicuous...you can choose...doesnt matter...coz the meaning lies not in them...

a man threw a stone into the ocean.

stones drown...

his didnt.

it was the ocean. it chose to float the stone...or so the ocean believed...or so it all seemed.

the only truth was the man. and the honest throw...

ocean confused in its own gripping waters..tripping the stone.

the floating drowing stone. the sham.

o ocean. seek the man...peek into his soul...play not with the stone.

 seek the man!

 feel his soul...

Lover ...

 have you ever felt your heart go heavy....really heavy...with a force you fathomed was far beyond your capacity to mitigate?

 head tilted to an angle that doesnt change...

 eyes tired of a vision too intense to behold...

 lips quivering in the wake of a desire they thought had been lipped for good....

 o..the qualms of a wavering heart...

 the crippling effect.

Lover...

 behold me..i am that leaf swirling in the wind

feel me......i am the man throwing the stones...

kiss me...unlip.

the powerful constructions of the mind...

 the will to dig...

 the deeps...

 a man once lay on a tree...musing to himself...glaring at the sky...

along came a boy...he looked up and asked the man..."sir, what is love?"

the man, not withdrawing his gaze said, "love is an amalgamation of two souls.”

i wish i could disappear ....from your life...

 i....who feels strong when placed against you...weak when beside you.

 i wish i could disappear....somewhere you would never find me...

 you...a fantastic charisma my heart longs to own...have it for itself...all for itself...

i wish i dont wish this.

 like "energy" you pull...like gravity you allure...

 you...

 thats only when its..."you".

 me...a life too exhaustive to capture...

 like "dark energy" i would always repel you...repel us...

 me...

 thats when it comes to me...

 your very being wont let me have you...i cant have you, for thats how you've made it.

 i "cant" have you...

 and you never can deserve me...

 and there's a "you" and there's a "me"...but never an "us"...never can be.

 and too deep is the abyss created by this incongruency...

the man stood near the ocean, throwing stones no more...

beheld the ocean with closed fists..

the ocean roared.

rolling stones to the shore...it roared...

the man stood near the ocean, throwing stones no more...

beholding the stones with closed fists...

 Lover...

"have you ever wondered how it feels like to look at the world through misty eyes? the mist being not a delusional film of self- engulfment, but an altered vision, concrete and sure in its very existence, envisioning the world with its own meticulous surveillance...a vision magnified as it beautifies, itself as well as the world it encapsulates.

 the inability of the world to provide me with a soul like to mine saddens me into loneliness.

the search for a soul that would satiate my boundless lust for freedom and life...the search for a mind that would surpass mine in its vivacious persistence...breaking it, dismantling it, forcing it into wishful capitulation .

i survey the world in silence...wondering at the incongruency...looking for that knick point of my ascending thoughts and the descending realities of the world.

the higher my thoughts ascend, the lower the world falls in its generative capacity.

o where is that niche, that place, that space...that mirror to my unearthly reflections...?

where are the waters where i can plunge without drowning?'- wrote this once upon a time.

 thats me...

 and behold...i am still...

 lofty peaks indeed raise a brow...

but that doesnt mean i will capitulate,,,i'm just beholding.